What is Childhood Trauma:

When we picture childhood, we often imagine something almost storybook: warmth, safety, loving parents, scraped knees that are kissed better, and a world that feels steady.

But the truth is… that kind of childhood is more of a unicorn than a universal experience.

Most people, to some degree, have lived through things as children that were confusing, frightening, painful, or simply too much for a young nervous system to hold. And sometimes, what impacts us most isn’t even what we can clearly remember.

As humans, we carry both explicit and implicit memory. Explicit memories are the ones we can recall — the stories we can tell.

Implicit memories are different. These are the memories formed in the earliest years of life, often before age three, when our brains and bodies are absorbing the world but we don’t yet have language for it. These experiences are stored deep within us, shaping our development, our sense of safety, and the way we learn to relate to ourselves and others — even if we don’t have a clear picture of what happened.

So… what is childhood trauma?

Childhood trauma refers to distressing, harmful, or overwhelming experiences that occur during childhood. In recent years, many clinicians use the term Adverse Childhood Experiences, or ACEs, because it captures the reality that trauma can take many forms — not just one kind of event.

ACEs generally fall into three main categories:

1. Abuse:
This can include physical, emotional, or sexual abuse.

2. Neglect:
This might look like emotional absence, unmet needs, or lack of care and protection.

3. Household dysfunction:
This can range from parental divorce to addiction in the home, absent parenting, mental illness, instability, or witnessing violence within the family.

Sometimes trauma isn’t about one dramatic moment. Sometimes it’s a pattern: a caregiver who was distant, unpredictable, aggressive, or emotionally unavailable.

And experiences like these are far more common than many people realize.

In fact, most adults have experienced at least one or two ACEs, often without ever labeling them as trauma.

At Moonstone Wellness, part of our intake process includes offering an ACEs assessment. If you choose to complete it, we’re always happy to talk with you about what your score means and how it may connect to what you’re experiencing today and the work we will do in session together.

Common Characteristics of Childhood Trauma

Because ACEs can look so different from one person to the next, childhood trauma doesn’t have one universal “shape.”

But there are some themes that tend to show up again and again:

A violation of safety or boundaries
Whether physical or emotional, trauma often involves something crossing a line that should not have been crossed.

Significant distress

This might look like constant anxiety about a caregiver’s reactions or walking on eggshells at home.

Helplessness or powerlessness
That feeling of, “I can’t stop what’s happening.”

Confusion and self-blame
Children often wonder: Is this my fault? What’s wrong with me? What could I do better?

Constant alertness
Many trauma survivors grow up learning that they must stay aware, prepared, and on guard — even in environments that appear “normal” from the outside.

How Childhood Trauma Affects the Brain

Even if the events happened early in life — even if you don’t remember them clearly — childhood trauma can have lasting effects on brain development.

The Hippocampus
This part of the brain is involved in memory and learning. Under chronic stress, the hippocampus can shrink, impacting our ability to form and retrieve memories.

Many adults come into counseling and say, “I don’t really remember my childhood.”
If that resonates with you, you are not alone.

The Amygdala
The amygdala processes emotion, especially fear and threat. Trauma can make this part of the brain become overactive, leading to heightened emotional responses and difficulty with regulation.

The prefrontal cortex
This area is responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and self-regulation. Trauma can reduce its functioning, making it harder to pause, reflect, and respond calmly when stress arises.

Trauma is not just something that happened — it is also something the brain and body learned.

How We Respond to Childhood Trauma

Everyone responds differently. Our reactions depend on the nature of our experiences, our biology, our culture, our support systems, and so much more.

But there are a few common patterns seen in trauma survivors:

Intrusive memories
Unprocessed trauma can show up through flashbacks, nightmares, or physical sensations like a racing heart or shaking hands.

Hypervigilance
A constant sense of alertness — always scanning for what might go wrong.

Anxiety
Overwhelming worry that interferes with daily life.

Guilt
A painful sense of responsibility, even when the child had no control.

Dissociation or numbness
Feeling detached, unreal, or emotionally shut down.

Depression
Persistent sadness, withdrawal, hopelessness, or lack of motivation.

And it’s important to say this clearly:

There is no “normal” response to childhood trauma.
Your mind and body did what they needed to do to survive.

When Survival Strategies Follow Us Into Adulthood

Over time, trauma responses can turn into coping mechanisms that once protected us — but now keep us stuck.

Perfectionism
Many trauma survivors develop unrealistically high standards, deep self-criticism, and a constant need for approval.

Sometimes perfectionism is the nervous system’s way of saying:
“If I can just do everything right, maybe I’ll finally be safe.”

Difficulty with boundaries and assertiveness
When boundaries were violated in childhood, it can be incredibly hard to protect them as an adult.

Avoidance
Some people avoid memories, places, emotions — even love — because closeness can feel unsafe.

Self-destructive behaviors
When someone feels unworthy or unlovable, they may turn to numbing strategies like substance use or sabotage.

Do any of these sound familiar? Do you feel like you’ve had to be strong for others, even when you needed support?

Childhood Trauma and Self-Worth

One of the deepest wounds trauma leaves is often the quiet belief:

Something is wrong with me.

Survivors may feel undeserving of good things, overly responsible, or trapped in shame. When criticism, neglect, or abuse happens during formative years, it becomes internalized.

It impacts confidence, self-esteem, and the ability to receive love.

Sometimes this shows up in perfectionism. Sometimes in self-sabotage. Often, it shows up as a lack of self-compassion.

You were never meant to earn your worth. You were always worthy.

Childhood Trauma and Adult Relationships

Our earliest relationships shape how we view intimacy, trust, and connection.

If a caregiver was emotionally unavailable or inconsistent, an adult may struggle to trust or rely on others, fearing vulnerability and leaning heavily on independence.

Common relational impacts include:

Difficulty trusting
Fear of intimacy
Codependency
Heightened emotional reactivity
Sensitivity to conflict

Do you ever wonder why certain memories or moments still affect you so strongly?

Often, the past echoes in the present until it is gently understood.

Why Addressing Childhood Trauma Matters

We can’t go back in time and rewrite childhood.

As much as I wish I could do that for clients… we can’t.

But what we can do is address what trauma left behind.

We can work with the patterns: perfectionism, low self-esteem, emotional reactivity, boundary struggles, anxiety, depression, avoidance.

Counseling offers a space to process, understand, and build healthier ways of coping — step by step.

At Moonstone Wellness, many of our clinicians often incorporate Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) strategies alongside trauma-informed care to help clients create real change.

Over time, healing can look like:

Embracing imperfection
Learning that worth is not earned through achievement
Regulating emotions with more ease
Allowing safe love and connection
Leaning in, when you have the urge to avoid or shut down
Living with more freedom in your own mind and body

Healing from childhood trauma is a journey.
But you do not have to do it alone.

A Gentle Closing

Before you close this page, I just want to pause for a moment.

Some of what we talk about when we explore childhood trauma can feel uncomfortable. Certain words might land a little heavier than others. Some parts of this may have hit surprisingly close to home.

And if that’s true for you, I want you to know something:

The fact that you’re here… reading… reflecting… even feeling a little stirred up… is not small.

That is courage.

So many people spend years avoiding these topics, not because they don’t want healing, but because looking back can feel tender, confusing, uncomfortable or overwhelming.

The beginning of growth often starts with something simple: Curiosity.

Just a quiet wondering about how your early experiences may have shaped the way you move through the world today… and the person you’re still becoming.

If this blog brought up emotion for you, I hope you can treat yourself gently today. Take a deep breath. Step outside for a moment. Reach for something comforting. Call a safe person.

And please remember: You deserve care, not just survival.

One step at a time is still healing.

To schedule an appointment, visit: www.Moonstone-Wellness.com